this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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