3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
