haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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