Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
