Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Randomize
