i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
