everyone is single if you try hard enough
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
