I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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