____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
