Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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