Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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