Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
