I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
