guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
