I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
