It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
