the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
