note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
