I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
