it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
