does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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