new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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