Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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