P.S. I can't hear my feet
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
