Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
