How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
