You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
