Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dear god my vagina.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
