first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
