I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
