So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
