I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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