Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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