I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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