Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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