thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
