There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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