so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
