I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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