I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
