as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
