i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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