I want to walk on stilts...naked
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
