I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Two words: blizzard sex
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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