i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
