OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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