take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
