I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
That accounts for only three of the penises
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
