At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
