Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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