Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
