Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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