you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
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