She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Randomize
